The 2006 World of Wonder Wowie Awards

We took a moment and came up with a random list of random year-end superlatives because that's what people do at the end of the year. And whatever else you might think of us, we are people. Each and every person, thing, or event – best, worst, most, or whatever – is awarded a stunning, shiny, and much-coveted Wowie statuette – even if there are no hands to receive it. The statue is virtual. Congratulations to all. Results may vary. Not legal in some states.

Woman of the year: Anna Nicole Smith (inheritance woes, pregnancy, the baby, death of Daniel, "marriage" to lawyer, Methadone and baby daddy confusion, eviction)
Man of the year: Tom Cruise (M:I:3 blockbuster, the South Park incident, the baby, the baby controversy, dismissal from Paramount, fairy tale Italian wedding, recurrent proselytizing)
Best comeback from anti-Semitic crack: Mel Gibson
Best comeback from crack: Whitney Houston
Still hasn't come back: The Comeback
Most prophetic movie: The Break-Up
Most surprising break-ups: Reese and Ryan; Whitney and Bobby
The long and winding road: Paul and Heather
Oh Oh Heaven Award: Daniel Craig as James Bond
Epithets of the year: Firecrotch; Sugar Tits
Disappointment of the Year: Finding out the firecrotch forest had been clearcut.
Thong-and-Dance Award: (shared) Britney Spears; Borat Sagdiyev
Strangest crush: Osama bin Laden's jones for Whitney Houston, despite his hatred of music and black women.
Best SNL: Justin Timberlake with Justin Timberlake
Best new TV shows: Heroes; 30 Rock; New Adventures of Old Christine, Big Love; Dexter
Worst TV Show: Studio 60 on the blah blah blah
See You Next Fall Award: (shared) Boy George; Keith Richards
End of an Era Memorial Award: CBGB
Trends of the year: babies, splits, pretending to eat, outing, driving under the influence, men in suits, going commando
Easy to get hooked on: mug shots on The Smoking Gun; fashion comment on Go Fug Yourself; all of Wikipedia
Best cosmetic surgery: Isabelle Dinoire
Chronics: Pete Doherty (drugs), George Michael (car naps), Naomi Campbell (assistants)
Pink slip #1: Planet Pluto evicted from the solar system
Pink slip #2: Author James Frey evicted from Oprah's Book Club
Pink slit #1: Lindsay Lohan
Pink slit #2: Britney Spears
Queens of the Screens: Helen Mirren as Elizabeths I and II
Thanks, Now Go Away Award: (shared) Lindsay Lohan; Paris Hilton; Nicole Richie; Sacha Baron Cohen
Best year-end wrap-up video: WOW TV's "12 Days of 2006"
Lifetime Achievement Awards: Shelley Winters, Lou Rawls, Coretta Scott King, Arthur Lee, Tony Franciosa, Syd Barrett, Ruth Brown, Wendy Wasserstein, Al Lewis, Don Knotts, Darren McGavin, Dennis Weaver, Maureen Stapleton, Clarabell the Clown, Buck Owens, Gloria Monty, Aaron Spelling, Jan Murray, June Allyson, Mickey Hargitay, Red Buttons, Billy Preston, Gene Pitney, June Pointer, Mike Douglas, Bruno Kirby, Moose the dog, Barnard Hughes, Maynard Ferguson, Glenn Ford, Jack Warden, Steve Irwin, Oleg Cassini, Jane Wyatt, Ed Bradley, Jack Palance, Betty Comden, Robert Altman, Joseph Barbera, Peter Boyle, Mickey Spillane, James Brown, Gerald Ford, Saddam Hussein, Anita O'Day, Mike Evans, Emmett Kelly Jr, Phyllis Kirk, Tokyo Rose, Nellie Connally, Vincent Sherman, Desmond Dekker, Elaine Young, Peter Tomarken, Gordon Parks, Anthony Franciosa, Barry Cowsill, Gerry Studds, Beth Levine, Tamara Dobson, Daniel Smith, Willi Ninja, Vince Welnick, Val Guest, Alida Valli, Allan Kaprow, Ali Farka Toure, Phyllis Gates, Candy Barr

Anita O'Day, Mike Evans, Emmett Kelly Jr, Phyllis Kirk, Tokyo Rose, Nellie Connally, Vincent Sherman, Desmond Dekker, Elaine Young, Peter Tomarken, Gordon Parks, Anthony Franciosa, Barry Cowsill, Gerry Studds, Beth Levine, Tamara Dobson, Daniel Smith, Willi Ninja, Vince Welnick, Val Guest, Alida Valli, Allan Kaprow, Ali Farka Toure, Phyllis Gates, Candy Barr

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