Nonad the Barbarian

Hamp Simmons writes:

Many years ago, when I was a recent arrival to Los Angeles, one of the many wannabes trying to make their way in Hollywood, I took on all sorts of unusual jobs in order to pay the rent. I was a babysitter, I filled up cars during the gas shortage, I ran errands, I entertained at chidren's birthday parties. One of the things I often did was to work as a waiter/server/cook at private parties for entertainment industry types. This is how I came to be serving dinner to bodybuilder Arnold Scharzenegger, his manager and a few friends on the occasion of his signing the contract to play Conan.

It was a fairly simple dinner, nothing too elaborate, nothing really memorable, until after the meal when I was pouring coffee for the guests around the table. Somehow, I'm sure my own clumsiness was at fault, I managed to spill hot coffee into Arnold Scharzenegger's lap. He jumped up and I grabbed a dish cloth to wipe up the damage and suddenly there I was on my knees in front of Arnold Scharzenegger rubbing his crotch furiously with a towel. It was an awkward moment but he laughed and I laughed and we all survived.

However, as I knelt there, something seemed odd. I felt something, or rather, didn't feel something that has caused me to always wonder. Today, as Governor Arnold Sharzenegger panders to the right wing and vetoes the nation's first gay marriage bill to be approved by a state legislature, I find that my suspicions of almost thirty years ago have been confirmed.

Arnold Shwarzenegger has no balls.

– Hamp Simmons

Related entries:

1. Of Interest: Monkey See Edition: Sarah Jessica Parker in a PhilipTreacy topper...
2. Quote Unquote: "I have never been so shocked, hurt,...
3. Jodie Foster Outs Self, Dumps Partner: In December, at a Women in Entertainment...
4. Sean Penn Opens Cannes of Worms: France, once the smokingest country in the...
5. Quote Unquote: "I don't have a candidate I'm supporting...