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September 16, 2005

A Visit from the Tooth Fairy

It's what I never knew I'd been dreaming of all my life. A Dior Homme toothpaste cozy. I'm thunderstruck. I mean, well. MY GOD, how have I lived so long without this? And why has it taken 4,000 years of civilization to come up with it? (It should have gone: the invention of fire, then the wheel, THEN the Dior toothpaste cozy, THEN the lever or bread or whatever. Shoes? Knives? I don't know.) MY POINT: If early man's need for fabulous toothpaste design had been met, it would have saved humanity a lot of unfocused yearning and displaced frustration down the road. But, ho, ho, don't get me started on THAT old coffeehouse debate again.

Anyway, it's here now, and I'm absolutely LACTATING, it's so cute.

And houndstooth! I'm MAD for houndstooth! Why, it will look SO CHIC next to my crystal Gucci mouthwash decanter and my sterling silver soap tongs from Tiffany. So, what's next? How about this: designer pipe lining! Yes! Like wallpaper, BUT FOR THE INSIDES OF YOUR PIPES! Because I'm sure the interiors of your bathroom plumbing is totally dreary and uncool. Right? So, what about fitting those pipes with something chichi yet durable, like taffeta or a moiré? In a sunny butter color? You'll never see it, but your water will be that much hipper for passing through it. And your trendier friends will just KNOW. Oh! Oh! It feels very Oscar de la Renta to me. Or maybe – omg – MARC JACOBS?!!! YES! SQUEAL!!! LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN, PEOPLE!

You laugh. But then you've laughed at a lot of "crazy" ideas that we now take for granted. Remember how you howled at: bottled water, doggie beauty salons, $700 jeans, men carrying bags, men plucking their eyebrows, Will Smith as an actor, Jennifer Lopez as a singer, Arnold Schwarzenegger as the governor.... NEED I GO ON? Time and again, you've proven your complete lack of cool, while I seem to be barebacking the zeitgeist itself.

SO: TRUST ME: LOOS WITH LABELS. ALL THE RAGE. ACT FAST! GET IN ON IT NOW!

– James St. James

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Comments

I'm going to take a hostage.

-- Anonymous | September 16, 2005 3:32 PM

"... it would have saved humanity a lot of unfocused yearning and displaced frustration down the road."

I totally agree.

-- just a kid | September 16, 2005 3:53 PM

I'd want a Vivienne Westwood Sonicare, a John Galliano Lotion Pump, a BodyMap Spit Cup, a Heatherette Shower Curtain, Helmut Lang Towel Bar,
Alabama Project Guest Towels, and a Oliver Theyskins Contour Rug to complement that Dior Homme toothpaste cozy!

Target..do you hear me?

-- MarcSpice | September 16, 2005 4:15 PM

I just love that it comes with directions.

-- jsj | September 16, 2005 4:17 PM

This is like something Iola Boyland on "Mama's Family" would make. She would always make these cozies and funny little household things for Mama, who would hate them. One of them was a princess doll that had a wand which was actually a dental floss dispenser.

-- Jason Mechalek | September 16, 2005 6:19 PM

And how much does this cost??

-- UrethraFranklin | September 16, 2005 6:39 PM

We have a blender cozy... with a little swedish maiden's face sewn on it, only like a muppet. (it's from guatemala)

-- hey | September 16, 2005 8:57 PM

--------snip--------------

I can afford these things, my partner owns a medical practice - where would I go to get them? If you hadn't guessed, I'm a trashy kid that somehow found his way to the top. Help me out.

YCKTR

-- Anonymous | September 16, 2005 10:54 PM

Rooster- I'm assuming it's the same place where Quentin Crisp, Truman Capote, and Andy Warhol get together to serve afternoon tea.

-- jsj | September 17, 2005 6:28 AM

Always on the cutting edge...

-- mannequeen1984 | September 17, 2005 1:57 PM

have they come out with designer cozies for tampons yet? now that would be fabulous!!!!

-- lisa d | September 18, 2005 6:04 PM

I'm with lisa d on this one! What about the ladies? Designer pads!! The Chanel logo all over them, that would help me feel so much better through my monthly visitor. :D

-- Liz | September 18, 2005 7:11 PM

It's always been my dream of dreams to have all the doors in my house be Dior, and that they be fitted with Dior knobs.

-- Charles Hatcher | September 18, 2005 10:18 PM

I don't know about designer, but check out Vinnie's Tampon cases. Great stuff and cute, too!!!

-- SUsieQ | September 19, 2005 8:41 AM

GORGEOUS!~

Send me one on my birthday at the end of the month... its the 29th!

-- Warholboy | September 19, 2005 4:14 PM

I'm sure there's some purpose to it. There may be an offensive tube label one wants to avoid. Perhaps to hide the fact that one brushes with an inferior brand. As an alternative one can empty the tube into a washed Decleor jar, and use that to dip ones toothbrush into. I'm disappointed they don't do anything with the cap. Am I taking this too seriously?

-- beardbabe | September 19, 2005 6:27 PM

I love it.

-- cassandra | September 19, 2005 11:02 PM

The cap would be tricky becasue of the various types of caps- flip tops, screw tops, etc. But that also brings up another problem. What about the length of the tube? I'm sure it does not accomodate more than one size. I also wonder what material is used to make the cozies. It must be fairly flexible as the narrow tops must fit over the wide bottom. I was assuming that it must be some sort of metal (perhaps aluminum) because of the screws at the bottom, but metal certainly isn't stretchable.

-- jsj | September 20, 2005 2:18 PM

It actually only fits Rembrandt toothpaste, so there goes the 'inferior brand' theory. And it's only $12, so it's really NOT that frivolous.

-- JAMES | September 20, 2005 4:11 PM

How can it ONLY fit Rembrandt? Do they have some patent on an original toothpaste tube shape I don't know about? Because from what I've seen, except for the volume, a tube's a tube.
Really, now, what is the cozy made of?

-- jsj | September 20, 2005 6:32 PM

Hi!
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September 16, 2005

A Visit from the Tooth Fairy

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