October 31, 2005
The St. James Version: Spooky Halloween Edition
Evil, evil. I have seen true evil, yes. I have touched it, smelled it, sucked from its rotted teat. It's always all around me. Yes, yes. Have I ever told you about the time I was bitten by a ghost? Have I showed the scars? There? On my right hand? What about the time I went all Amityville? Have I told you about that? How I went total nutty-crackers? When I lived in the VERY SAME storefront apartment where David Rakowitz murdered and chopped up his girlfriend, then made her into stew to give to the homeless in Tompkins Square Park? And how I grew slovenly and foul-tempered during my tenancy? How I lay upon my futon, surrounded by garbage, and thought about doing brutal things to my friends? Chopping off their little blue noses and shoving forks up their little exposed butts? Have I told those stories? No? Well, someday, when we're traveling down a dark and lonely country road together, I'll tell them and scare the crap out of you.
This Halloween, though, I'm going to tell you about the time I met Satan at the Spotlight bar over on Cahuenga. TRUE STORY. And, no, this wasn't a hallucination, and it's not some sort of metaphor. It was really him. Lord of the Flies. Beezlebub. At the bar, drinking a Corona, with lime. It makes perfect sense, you know, that the Spotlight would be a battleground for the souls of the hustlers and lowlifes who frequent it. And that Satan would drop in from time to time to see what new sins are in fashion. But here, listen to my story and make up your own mind:
This Halloween, though, I'm going to tell you about the time I met Satan at the Spotlight bar over on Cahuenga. TRUE STORY. And, no, this wasn't a hallucination, and it's not some sort of metaphor. It was really him. Lord of the Flies. Beezlebub. At the bar, drinking a Corona, with lime. It makes perfect sense, you know, that the Spotlight would be a battleground for the souls of the hustlers and lowlifes who frequent it. And that Satan would drop in from time to time to see what new sins are in fashion. But here, listen to my story and make up your own mind:
I had just dropped in for a glass of milk. Really. On my way to church. It's true. I sat down and opened my Saturday Evening Post. Love that Norman Rockwell. That's when the man next to me turned – no that's not quite right – he PIVOTED toward me. His face was blank, but his eyes blazed with Hellfire.
"Cities are like people," he said darkly, apropos of nothing. "They have souls."
Now, I don't make it a habit of talking to strange men in bars, so I was understandably taken aback. "Oh really?" I stuttered.
"Except for Los Angeles. This city has no soul."
"I'm not surprised," I said and pursed my lips. I turned back to my reading, hoping to dissuade him from further conversation.
But he wouldn't be dissuaded. He kept on, rambling about cities and their souls, and how the closer you get to the equator, the more evil and corrupt the cities become. "Except," he said, and here his voice dropped to a whisper. "Except Denver. Denver is perhaps the most corrupt city of all. Yes, there is a great and terrible evil bubbling underneath the city of Denver. A new kind of evil. You'll see. Everyone will soon see."
And with that, he was gone. And by "gone‚" I really mean that I had gotten bored and started chatting up the toothless hottie by the pool table.
I didn't think anything more about it. Until.
Until.
The next morning, I rolled out of bed with a nasty milk hangover, plodded over to the TV, and turned it on. It was Lauren Sanchez of the Channel 7 Eyewitness News Team talking about the tragic events that were unfolding in the small town, right outside Denver.
YES. COLUMBINE. IT WAS APRIL 19, 1999. "A new kind of evil," Lauren called it,
TRUE STORY! SATAN CAME TO ME AND WARNED ME OF THE COLUMBINE SHOOTINGS! I couldn't make up something that ridiculous. So when I say that I know true evil, YOU HAD BETTER BELIEVE!
BOO! Happy Halloween!
– James St. James
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Comments
-- MarcSpice ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://worldofwonder.net/nav-commenters.gif)
| October 31, 2005 3:42 PM
*Does the very UNorginal comment dance*
HappY HalloweeN JameS! WOO!
P.S. Great story, i belive it.
~Rachel**
-- Sethic | October 31, 2005 11:12 PM
The Columbine boys were totally hot for people who shoot their classmates.
-- BioMechMoose | November 1, 2005 4:59 PM
You crazy-ass kook....
how was the devils night party?
i was told that alpha she/male was supposed to play.
seems like it could've been fun.
when's the new book supposed to drop?
-- TheKnifeyMoloko | November 2, 2005 10:02 PM
I remember that day, Oh my gosh do I remember, I was accused of being in the trench coat mafia I was in 7th grade. Oh happy late halloween. I dressed up like you and was uber fabulous everybody loved it. Of course I wasn't as pretty as you, but I tried.
Rn
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-- hunter | September 14, 2007 6:49 AM
OMG!! I predicted the Columbine shootings only 1 hour before it happened !! Seriously! I was on the phone with my friend and said....
"Waddaya-wanna bet some Nazi's do something apocalyptic for Hitler's Birthday 1999, like shoot up tourists in Times Square or a bomb a mall or something big like that"
And she was all "OMG Marc....you are so into this Y2K end of the world thing, you need to relax"
Then, almost instantly...BAM...NBC breaks with the news of the Columbine shootings!
I wish I had met that guy at The Spotlight!