Take That

A British reality program filmed in an east London warehouse decked out to resemble a Cuban internment camp and showing seven volunteer men being stripped naked, sworn at, and physically and sexually abused by US military interrogators has been condemned by human rights groups. Um, why? Torture: The Guantanamo Guidebook, a Channel 4 production, comes hot – some might say too hot – on the heels of the channel's live exorcism last week. In the mock camp, the men are cruelly deprived of sleep, kept cold, and their religious beliefs ridiculed. They are not treated well at all. We can't wait for the inevitable US copycat version. Oh, wait, we have America's Next Top Model.

Several of the men - who include a martial arts champion, "Britain's fittest fireman" and a triathlete - became ill during the 48 hours of ill-treatment - called "torture-lite" by the US authorities. One man fell ill with hypothermia, another wet himself, and others suffered cramps, hallucinations and vomiting.

Ahh, that last part sounds like our weekends. Medical groups have called the show "grossly distasteful," but we say where do we sign up? (The Independent)

Uncoverage

Integrity Toys is launching a RuPaul doll. "I assume it's post-op, since I can't find the ding-dong," says Michael Musto in his Village Voice column today. A fully intact RuPaul says she thinks the doll's "been chopped, so the clothes fit better."

The 13-inch goddess – which comes with three bitchin' ensembles – is a more lavish alternative to those hilariously lippy Bratz babes (which I thing still have dicks). "I like that the Bratz look so toxic," Ru admitted, "with huge eyes, like the children of alcoholics. Jackie O had that look. I like that look?"

But the real reason to read Musto's column today is for his hilarious coverage of the Oscar telecast. In fact, the reason they keep airing the Oscarcast year after year is so that Musto can cover it.

9:30: The new shtick of having some winners accept in the aisle adds an intimate and electric touch. Kidding. 9:40: Another Aviator win. SCORSESE is sobbing. The man who made Taxi Driver and Goodfellas is a big, old vanilla Mister Softee. 9:46: A shot of Paul Giamatti. At least he got an invite. 10:12: "This is the dog's bollocks!" exclaims a thrilled winner. Wrong body part. 10:30: ANTONIO BANDERAS and CARLOS SANTANA perform that Motorcycle Diaries song and suddenly it's like being in one of those lobster restaurants on 23rd Street. Someone please come out in a swan dress.

A Mouth Runs Through It

Showdog Moms & Dads producer Todd Radnitz caught Joan Rivers interviewing (if you can call it that) Vera Drake's Imelda Staunton on the red carpet at the Oscars yesterday. You can always count on Joan to put her foot in her mouth when interviewing celebs on the red carpet or anywhere, but lately her lack of research and simple logic have increased to the point that we wonder if she's taken to drinking the Botox. Radnitz remembers the exchange going like this:

Joan: Vera Drake, she was an amazing woman. Did you get to meet her or had she died before you made the movie?
Imelda: She wasn't a real person.

A Walk on the Mild Side? No Way

My Scarlett Letter

WOW's fearless leader, Randy Barbato, reports on the events of the Independent Spirit Awards in a tent in Santa Monica:

On Saturday, I went to the IFP Independent Spirit Awards. It's the only time of the year I drink Turning Leaf wine (a corporate sponsor). The awards ceremony was fun. I'm not sure what other event in LA gives you:

• Dennis Quaid in overly, and I mean overly distressed jeans
• Quentin Tarantino chatting (very loudly) at the bar about how nice it is to see people fuck in movies. (Actually why do I think he does this a lot?)
• A Bravo promo over the urinals with the tagline "What a Relief"
• Tom Arnold singing a song (very badly) about best picture nominee Sideways, with a bottle of Turning Teaf wine in hand
• A swag bag that includes a beanie baby and bottle of Turning Leaf wine
• Virginia Madsen accepting the award for best supporting actress with child in tow instead of Turning Leaf wine
• Oodles of stars totally styled to look un-styled

After the awards were over and the bottles of Turning Leaf consumed, I headed over to Shutters for IFC's after-party. They were serving more Turning Leaf, in addition to mini turkey burgers and strange cheese patties with beets on top that looked very much like macaroons.

There were more stars looking very much like stars not trying to look like stars, which can be very unsettling. For a while, it seemed like the highlight was watching Mario and Melvin Van Peebles cut the rug; it was oddly sentimental and the place was really starting to feel like a family house party. But then I noticed a hush over the crowd; okay, I'm exaggerating, but i did suddenlly sense that a true star was in the room. My celebrity sensors led me through the crowd and out onto the patio and, sure enough, bam, there in the corner a true star, looking like a star, had somehow managed to penetrate the distressed jeans, unkempt hair, and joe-next-door vibe that was threatening to overtake the party.

It was Austin Scarlett, from Bravo's delicious series Project Runway. He was wearing a light blue suit with a very subtle plaid, a pink gingham shirt and a maroon ascot. He was deep in conversation with his executive producer, the spunky Jane Lipsitz, and I had no choice but to barrel over there and demand an introduction. After some initial chit-chat, which I must say was absolutely satisfying and everything you would expect, lots of flipping of the big hair and that incredibly wide-eyed look, I noticed something was different about Austin. As we chatted, I found myself distracted, he was giving me everything I wanted, but something was missing. Something wasnt quite right. Suddenly it hit me – there was no lip gloss! Was he testing us all? Was this a new down-to-earth look? What was going on? I had to say something, but I didn't want to offend him. So after stumbling a bit, I casually said, "I love how your lips always seemed to be freshly glossed on the series." He was like, Oh my god! and quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out the gloss and slathered it onto his lips. It was an amazing moment, you know, like when you're chatting to Cher and she has some lipstick on her teeth and you lick your teeth in front of her to give her the cue. We bonded! [Ed. note: Um, yeah, we hate when that happens when we're chatting with Cher. Why, just the other day. . .] Austen seemed happy about Jay winning the show, and we talked a little about his collection. Then he explained that he too had done a collection for the finale, which can be seen here.

Two hours later, I found myself having dinner – or actually watching Austin and his EP Jane and her sister have dinner. I ordered some Turning Leaf and ate their leftovers. (Austin ordered a burger and managed to eat it while keeping his lips fresh - U love that). Then we all headed over to a party for Jonathan Caouette, the director of the fabulous documentary Tarnation. I asked Jonathan what his next project was and he said he was exploring a lot of different things, but that he was also really looking to get some acting gigs. He's currently acting in a film with Thora Birch. I asked him if knew about Thora's mom's involvement in the original Deep Throat. He didnt. Do you?

Meanwhile, the party was at a house in Hancock Park. It was rumoured to be the home of Karen Black, who was happily strolling through the party acting like a gracious host. The house was filled with very hip Hollywood types – all successfully working that look that all the stars at the Independent Spirit Awards were so desperately trying to achieve. But this was the real deal. Austin was besieged by fans. It was interesting to watch. Everywhere he turned there was a posse of people dying to take his picture or pat him on the back or just tell him that they loved him. Even here, at this very hip, very cool party, his celebrity cut through. It was fun watching hipsters being reduced to fans. After a while, I asked him how he was enjoying his celebrity. Before he got a chance to answer, this girl came over and said to him, "You look taller and older," and he just smiled. Then she clarified: "You look taller in person and older on TV." And he was like, "So are you saying that I look older now, or younger?" And she was like, "You look younger in real life than on TV." He seemed relieved – then I watched him digest it. Was he worried that he looked old on TV? Which would he prefer? Looking younger on TV or in real life? Which was more important? He seemed to be thinking about this when I asked him again how he was enjoying his new celebrity status. He said he liked it, but that someone came up to him and said that they were surprised to see him wearing what he was wearing tonite. They were disappointed. He explained to them that he was really dressed for daytime, that he hadn't expected to be going out for the evening and, had he known, he would have made a quick change into something more appropriate. Just as he finished telling this story, a woman came up and gushed over him and then asked him about his outfit. I got to hear him explain to her that he was dressed for daytime. As he apologized for his outfit, I thought to myself, Thank God he wasn't wearing distressed jeans! i headed to the bar for some more Turning Leaf.

– Randy Barbato

[Ed. note: Former WOW employee Michael Pressman was also at the blue-carpet ceremony and after-party and blogged the events on his Pop Muse site.]

Peace Bisquit's Hi-Five

ALBUMS

1. Funeral - THE ARCADE FIRE (Merge Records)

2. Nightbird - ERASURE (Mute)

3. LCD SOUNDSYSTEM (DFA/Capitol)

4. After Hours - RAHSAAN PATTERSON (Artistry Music)

5. We R In Need of A Musical Revolution! e.p.- ESTHERO (Reprise)

SINGLES

1. "#1 Thing" - AMERIE (Columbia)

2. "Gulang" / "Sunshowers" -M.I.A.(XL Recordings)

3. "Never Win" / "Just Let Go" - FISCHERSPOONER (Capitol)

4. "Fear Of Nothing" - JACKNIFE LEE (Jack)

5. "Ladyflash" (Hot Chip remix) - THE GO! TEAM (Memphis Industries)

(Peace Bisquit is Bill Coleman, music producer, mixer, and consultant, as well as an international deejay. Back in New York's heyday, he spun at the legendary clubs (Pyramid, Sound Factory Bar, Milky Way, Limelight, Save The Robots, Flamingo East, Tunnel, etc); today he works the turntables at such spots as The Shelter, The Hole, The Eagle, Starlight, The Cock, Centro-Fly, Boys Room, Bar D'O, etc). He was instrumental in discovering and developing '90s band Deee-Lite ("Groove Is In The Heart"), and has worked with Lenny Kravitz, Scissor Sisters, The Killers, Isaac Hayes, Bette Midler, Tom Tom Club, Sinead O'Connor, and The Pretenders, among others. Coleman was music supervisor on the WOW films Party Monster and Inside Deep Throat.)

From the Desk of the JG

I was going to take out a full page ad in the trades, but frankly, I don't have that kind of scratch. I'm not Rob Schneider for chrissakes. But I did want to make an eleventh-hour plea to Oscar voters to recognize this year's best movie, and the WOW Report is the only outlet that would let me do it. Still, they're charging per word, so I'll keep this short.

Dear Members of the Academy,

Although I am excited about this Sunday's telecast of the 77th Annual Academy Awards, I am putting forth a last ditch effort for your consideration of a film that I believe was grossly overlooked during this Awards Season. That film is Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, starring the incomparable Will Ferrell.

Co-written by the SNL alum, the movie is a period piece with a political message. It's not simply a goofball comedy, with the occasional, yet well-placed boner joke. It speaks about the women's equal rights movement of the '70s, and in particular the plight of news anchor Veronica Corningstone, played with incredible moxie by Christina Applegate.

While the cinematic innovations in comedies are often brushed aside when the trophies are handed out, I ask you to reconsider in this case. This is Will Ferrell in the performance of a lifetime. He entices loud belly laughs and tearful sobs as the hardheaded Burgundy. He smacks you in the face with a ferocious and, dare I say, feral passion, and reminds us all to "stay classy," in the tradition of the legendary Humphrey Bogart and Clark Gable (two people, I should point out, I know virtually nothing about).

Most of you have quietly grumbled about this year's crop of films being less than stellar. So I beg you, members of the prestigious Academy, to reconsider. Stop the presses, and demand another vote. You owe it to yourself.

Classily Yours,
Jim Galasso

What's New on IDT?

Today, friends, we find a vid clip from the sneak premiere of the rereleased Deep Throat at the Laemmle in West Hollywood. Porn stars! A letter from the Count who lent his house to porn. Berkeley professor Linda Williams finds Inside Deep Throat educational. Plus John Waters and general browsing.

A Program Note

Later this evening and over the weekend, you may notice some, lets say, inconsistencies with the WOW Report. We're moving to a new server that will give us better performance and a few new features. There's some new techie stuff, but for most of you it will be the comments on some of Stephen's posts that will excite you.

Personally I like the .wow.

– Tom Wolf, HOT

Party Meisters

Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato tell Gay.com how to make your Oscar party the best in the hood – if your hood's West Hollywood.

If you were advising someone who's hosting a bunch of gays on Oscar night, what tips and strategies would you provide? Any pitfalls to avoid?

Well, of course, everything has changed now because of the red-carpet coverage. Joan Rivers on E! really was the best part, no matter what anyone says -- and Star Jones just makes our collective stomach turn. It casts a very dark cloud over the entire event. Joan's badness was brilliant, Star's badness is just BAD!

So the big challenge this year is how to get people in the right mood without Joan on that carpet. We suggest lots of trashy magazines. Fill your house with the latest Star, In Touch -- every tabloid you can get your hands on -- so that you can rely on photos and stories there to get you in that yummy celebrity-hungry mood.

John Waters

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Like the movie "Boom"? Me too. Send nude photos. 

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Back to Baltimore with my oldest friend Pat Moran.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Steve Buscemi.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Close friends, lawyers, and – in the past – a shrink.

5. What makes you cry? 
Douglas Sirk's death.

Better Late Than Letter

OK, against our better judgment we're posting this Rapture Letter because we received it from more than two people who are not in fact dead, which is what the sender of the letter is supposed to be before mailing it. From heaven.

Here is the letter. After you've read it, click on Home and try to understand. Then try to convince yourself that Christianity isn't just as supernatural and science-fiction as, say, Scientology and that Halle-Bop cult.

Madonna Wants Candy Update

Robert Coddington, who's likethis with Holly Woodlawn, tells us that Holly wants Paris Hilton to play Candy Darling in the biopic based on Woodlawn's autobiography, A Low Life in High Heels. So put that in your Sidekick, Madonna.

Photo: Candy and Andy at a Lou Reed concert in New York, 1973

Then Again, What Isn't It?

We have it on good authority that the Technicolor labs have refused to make prints of Crispin Glover's puzzling directorial debut, What Is It?, which features, among other things, the Down Syndrome cast engaging in naughty sexual high jinks. A lack of prints will certainly impede the movie's progress. Glover has described the film as being about the adventures of a young man who is tormented by a hubristic, racist inner psyche, whose principle interests are snails, salt, a pipe, and finding his way home. And he's also said – at some length – this. (Click here for trailer)

WWJSJD*

While James St. James is out of the office today, we feel we should pick up the Davis slack while there's a bit of momentum. We found this tiny morsel and comment crumbs on Low Culture.com.

___________________
*What Would James St. James Do?

Star Jones, Court Jester

Sportswriter Bill Simmons, in his "Page 2" column for ESPN, hands out some awards for the NBA's All-Star Weekend. It was all-Star in more ways than one. And all thumbs.

The Spanish Pantalones Award for "Most random yet enjoyable All-Star Game sequence"
Minutes before the game, Star Jones triumphantly waddled across the court to her courtside seats -- joined by new husband Al Reynolds, who seemed especially pleased with himself -- and I remember thinking to myself, "If there's a God, Shaq will go plowing into them after a loose ball."

So what happened? First, a waitress accidentally spilled a tray of full champagne glasses on her, ruining her fur coat and causing Section 122 to nearly break out in applause. Star reacted like Joe Pesci in "GoodFellas" after Spider talked back to him -- I thought she was going to pull a gat out and shoot the waitress in the foot. The whole thing was fantastic. And I remember thinking to myself, "Man, that was even better than seeing Shaq plow into her." But later in the first half, LeBron was trying to save a loose ball and ended up diving into the stands ... yup, right into Star Jones. In fact, that should be an All-Star Saturday event -- "Save A Loose Ball And Crash Into Star Jones."

Das DVD

The Hidden Führer: Debating the Enigma of Hitler's Sexuality is out on DVD March 8. Order here or at your favorite retailer.

Addressed to Kill

We got an email from Skarlett this morning.

So I was at Minimal at The Parlour in WeHo on Sunday night, waiting to get a drink at the bar and overheard the following exchange between 2 lovely boys:

Tattoo’d lovely boy #1: “Who’s Brandon Davis?”

Super fashion lovely boy #2: “That rich pretty boy who used to date the skank on the OC.”

Tattoo’d lovely boy #1: “Used to?”

Super fashion lovely boy #2: “Yeah – I hear he’s fucking James St James now.”

Gigi's Glam Guide

Gigi Grazer, wife of Inside Deep Throat producer Brian Grazer, and a screenwriter and novelist in her own right, is a babe and doesn't look a day over 17, yet she starts gearing up for the Oscars months in advance. In a phone conversation with Evelinda and Judie for their Lifestyles column on the Rocky Mountain News website, Grazer gives up some of her secrets to looking camera ready at the ceremony. Of course, it's way too late now to start, but here are a couple of her tips.

• Six to 12 months before: If you even think you might be nominated, book your hairstylist and makeup artist to be at your home the day of the Oscars.

• Two weeks before: Get a photo facial - an intense pulse light laser fades freckles, brown spots and evens out skin tone.

Sitings

• Like a scarlet letter for haphazard parkers. Slap an "I Park Like an Idiot" sticker on the next car you see that did.
• Listen to the Towers of London. Click here, then go to XFM Sessions. Loud fast rules.

We'll Always Have Paris

This "Dear Person Who Hacked Paris Hilton's Cell Phone" open letter has been on several blogs already (we saw it on banterist.com) but it's worth repeating here. The writer has the tone just right.

Speaking of Satan - who do you think would email back if I sent "Christ" a message? She can't be that connected, can she? He's there in her address book, two up from Chris Judd, just under "Mr. Chows."

Though I find Ms. Hilton a classless drain on all things decent and believe she cheerfully, vacantly represents almost everything that's wrong with society today, my contempt for the strumpet ends at calling her names. You? You've got moxie, my boy. You take action.

In a related story on MTV.com, Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas calls the situation a nightmare and "like many of Hilton's friends in this situation — is planning on changing all of her phone numbers. After that, she has one more item on her to-do list: 'I am going to kill Paris Hilton.' "

Cold Snap!

Some of the dozens of snowmen on Arbat Street in Moscow, created by the Academy of Fools for acclaimed Russian clown Vyacheslav Polunin and his Snow Show at Moscow's Vakhtangov Theater. Note robot. (The Moscow News)

What's New on IDT?

So far, some testimonials testimoning to how seeing IDT can bring families together, and RuPaul remembers seeing Deep Throat the first time. Oh, and we have a mouse pad to give away.

Pope Writes Book

Pope John Paul, who was recently attacked by doves and later rushed to the hospital in the throes of a breathing crisis, has called gay marriage part of "a new ideology of evil" that is insidiously threatening society. And has likened abortion to the Holocaust. The 84-year-old can barely speak, let alone hold a pencil or type, but he somehow managed to pontificate in a new book he – or someone – titled Memory and Identity. His book is described on reuters.myway.com as "a highly philosophical and intricate work on the nature of good and evil . . . based on conversations with philosopher friends in 1993 . . ." Um, 1993 was a long time ago. Perhaps his book was Holy Ghostwritten. And about that antigay rant of his. . . .

The St. James Version (Update)

FROM THE THINGS-THAT-SOUND-REALLY-FUNNY-WHEN-YOU'RE-HIGH DEPARTMENT #247: Dressing up as Paris Hilton in the wake of a new scandal.

Jiggly jillionaire Jason Davis

Cheap Shots

Cavemen melded art and sex. And so did those sybaritic Greeks. Michelangelo continued the trend and, recently, Randy Barbato and Fenton Bailey’s new film Inside Deep Throat went all cinematic on this seminal mix. But Taschen’s new book Terryworld takes on a whole new synergy, when sex and art hook up with the fashion world in bad-boy photographer Terry Richardson’s new art/sex/couture coffee table book.

Uber taste-maker Richardson makes the tasteless and the trailer park trendy and the tractor hat de rigueur. Like the filmmakers of Inside Deep Throat, Richardson took the 1970’s porn esthetic and made it fashion chic. Equally at home in Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Purple, and Vice, Richardson has shot porn stars, supermodels, transsexuals, hillbillies, and celebrities who, like Terry, often took off their clothes and jumped in front of his sensational and scandalous lens.

This 250-page Artists Edition comes in a clear plastic case with four personally selected limited-edition Terryprints and a Terrybear (a fuzzy little bear with Terry Richardson’s face on it). Terryworld is a total ART PICK!

– Phil Tarley

All photos © Taschen

The Basement Tapes

It's that time of year in Los Angeles. Hollywood Boulevard is blocked off to traffic from now until the first of March while crews construct (and then take down) an elaborate shelter in front of the Kodak Theater in preparation for the Oscars. Celebrities, almost more than any other people, don't like to get their designer duds wet. Back in 1999, WOW did a show on fashion and the Oscars for AMC's Hollywood Fashion Machine . In this snippet, hosted and narrated by Daryl Hannah, we see, among other pearls, a close-cropped Uma Thurman (see still) arriving at the 1995 Academy Awards ceremony in a gown that would put Prada on the map. (Watch the clip)

Addressed to Kill

BRANDON WATCH 2005

James, I loved your article on Jason Davis.  He sure is fugly next to our guy (or honestly any guy for that matter).  Sometimes there is nothing less attractive than an overweight flamboyant homo (is he gay???).  Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that I saw Brandon and beyotch at dinner last week at PF Changs in Santa Monica. Brandon was looking a little bloated in the face, but very hot, none the less.  Being a total LOSER, I didn't approach him.  I know - this puts the gay movement for Brandon back a few weeks, but I just got too nervous!! I could have totally used you there to make the move!!! Anyhow, I'll keep you posted of further (If I'm lucky enough) sitings!!!
– Matt S

What's New on IDT?

After being turned away from lab after lab, Deep Throat has finally found someone who wasn't afraid of The Mouse, and now prints are almost ready for a Thursday sneak premiere. And we've found some warm, chic, and appropriate throat wear to sport while waiting outside to see Inside. (Go there)

Showdog's List

PUPPY PERSONALS

Pepe – I'm a one-year-old whippet puppy seeking an Asian bitch for fun times on all fours. Chows, Pekingese, and Shar-pei's a definite plus! I'm 14" tall with a bright-red 8" penis, and my master shaves my balls every week. I'm into peeing on grass and hydrants and I like to eat my own poop. Bitches with lots of teats are a huge turn-on for me, and you should have at least four sets. No neuters, no mutts, no mange. You can see me star on Showdog Moms & Dads, starting March 30 on Bravo.

She Wants Candy

In this January 10, 2001 Variety article by Army Archerd, it becomes obvious how long Madonna has wanted to be the transvestite superstar Candy Darling. on film at least.

The life of female entertainer Candy Darling, who appeared in several Andy Warhol movies, is heading to the screen --- by producer Lorna Luft, who has just completed "Life With Judy Garland: Me and My Shadows" for ABC. Darling, who died March 21, 1974, was discovered by Warhol in "Give My Regards to Off Off Broadway" and segued to the screen in "Flesh" and "Women in Revolt." And was part of Warhol's entourage at Gotham parties. At one time, Madonna reportedly wanted to portray Darling in a planned pic version of "A Low Life in High Heels," about Warhol's pals Darling, Jackie Curtis and Holly Woodlawn. But Lorna tells me the part will be played by a male, "a boy who has to be unbelievably beautiful." Luft says her mom, Judy Garland, had known Darling in/around New York and Lorna had met him. "He looked like Kim Novak." Lorna says she was at the Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh and saw a copy of "My Face for the World to See," Darling's diaries published by Darling's executor, Jeremiah Newton. Luft obtained rights and will follow through on screen with Story Line.

The Singer Not the Song

Singer-songwriter-poet Adele Bertei, who has performed with such 1980s no-wave/punk-funk bands as James Chance and the Contortions, the Bloods, and the Bush Tetras, and her band, Anubian Lights, have just released their space-age dance/punk album Phantascope and will be performing in New York City at Joe's Pub on Feb. 22, and at SXSW on March 18. If you have even a shred of respect for what went on creatively in the '80s, you'll go to one of those gigs.

Will Act for Chops

Madonna's next movie – (pause for disbelief) – after Guy Ritchie's Revolver, will have her portraying the beautiful young transvestite Candy Darling, one of Andy Warhol's stable of superstars, now deceased. (Darling, a svelt slip of a thing and the inspiration for the Velvet Underground's "Candy Says," was last portrayed on screen by Stephen Dorff in I Shot Andy Warhol. Not pretty.) And she wants to do it so badly, so to speak, that she'll do it for nothing, won't ask for a cent. According to a story that's clogging up the blogosphere, an unnamed source has said, "Madonna has been desperate to make a film where she can earn respect for her acting abilities." Nothing more is known about the project, like who's directing or writing or costarring or if it's Darling's story or if she's just a character. Or if any of it is real. But it's going to be a real acting stretch for 46-year-old Madge to play the boy who died at 30. (More or less)

Addressed to Kill

I was shocked and dismayed to read your insults concerning the death of Dr. Hunter S Thompson, being the great counter-culture icon he was, on a website that revels in a the strange and unusual, for all of its brilliance! Are you people that illiterate to call his writing bad? They do not make two movies (I'll give you that "Where the Buffalo Roam" was a nightmare) with one in the works about people lacking in vision. To call him self-indulgent is a a riot, coming from the people who brought you "Phone calls from a felon" (and I say this not to offend Michael Alig or Mr. St James, who I both adore-and I'm sure, judging by his writing style, that James certainly can appreciate the musings of the Good Doctor!) And yet you pay tribute to a washed-up old lady that nobody gives a rats ass about-so what if she got a mention in "Grease?" That movie sucked, too! And the majority of the people who read this blog don't know who she is, regardless. You let me down, World of Wonder. Let me down.
– Gina Chambrone

Snap!

A nurse holds an Egyptian baby in a hospital in Banha, 25 miles north of Cairo. Egyptian doctors removed the second head from the girl, who was suffering from craniopagus parasiticus, a defect usually occurring in conjoined twins joined at the skull. This baby's twin had developed no body; the amputated head was able to smile and blink but could not live independently. (Yahoo)

The St. James Version

AN OPEN LETTER TO JIGGLY JILLIONAIRE JASON DAVIS

Pull up a chair, plumpkin.

I feel like I can talk to you, seeing as we’re almost family now. Your brother and I have this THING going, you know. And it’s getting serious. I expect to be Mrs Brandon Davis ANY DAY NOW. Just as soon as I make mischa-mash out of that mewling little TV star.

But that’s not why I’ve called you here. Take my hand. Look into my eyes. I want you to believe me when I tell you that I think of you as the fat, obnoxious little brother I never had. Yes, I do. I really do.

That’s why it hurts me so much to have this little talk.

The other day I posted a picture of the Davis brothers – Brandon, Alex, and you. And seeing you there, in the background, looking like a big old gay sea cow, well, it just about broke my heart. BROKE MY HEART.

I think it speaks volumes about the whole family dynamic, doesn’t it? Look again.

DEEP BREATH, JASON.

You need to come to grips with a basic, unalterable fact of life: There is only one superstar in the Davis family, and baby it ain’t you. You can wear as many feather boas and glitter hats as you want to, girl, but the camera will always focus on Brandon. Always. That’s just the way it is. HE’S THAT HANDSOME.

It must be hard having a SUPERSTAR SEX GOD as a brother. I know, dumpling. It must make you dive into the Pop-Tart pile by your bedside. I’ve been there too. BUT POP-TARTS ARE NOT THE ANSWER, JASON. Not even the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ones. POP-TARTS WILL NOT MAKE YOU A SUPERSTAR SEX GOD. Not ever.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. It doesn’t mean you can’t be loved. Somebody will love you. Someday, somebody will embrace your inner sea cow. They will love you for you. Leather jumpsuit and all. Now – and this is very important – LISTEN TO ME JASON – that someone will probably NOT be a C-list actress clawing for some face time on the red carpet and trying to establish a boldface identity for herself. She won’t be America’s Most Fugly, and she won’t embarrass you by wearing her bra over her shirt to Mummy’s charity balls. You need to deep-six the social climber if you want to get any cred back. Nobody believes you’re actually fucking her anyway. It’s hard enough just getting her to touch it through your pants, isn’t it? I know, baby, I know. Once again – I’ve been there. Replace “ambitious blonde actress” with “skanky mulatto hustler” and it could be the St. James version. I’m just sayin’.

I have some vague ideas about who might be the right fit for you, but that’s another conversation entirely.

First you must work on YOU. That’s why I’m here.

I, too, went through many years where I tried to hide my misery behind a hearty veil of sequins and cocktails. I, too, thought fake fur might make me more desirable, more photo-friendly.

It doesn’t work. In today’s high-powered world of celebrity branding, sometimes less really is more.

You need to reevaluate your whole sense of style. Ditch the "wacky" clothes. Gimmicky clothes only work on little people. Don’t try and distract us from your weight. Big is beautiful, baby. Embrace it. You’re a handsome man. Stick to simple, well-cut suits. You don’t need frippery to get noticed. You’ll get all the attention you need just being you.

All I’m saying: Dial it back a bit, bro. Don’t try so hard. You are Jason Davis, for god’s sake. Say it out loud every morning in the mirror, or whenever you are tempted to wear a fluorescent Hawaiian shirt to a party.

Of course, you’re other choice is to just go the WHOLE HOMER.

I only have your best interests at heart, baby. After all, you’re going to be family soon, and I don’t want you ruining the wedding album.

– James St. James

Recently Dead

Sunday Bloody Sunday

This weekend, while bloggers were disseminating and their readers were getting high off the contents of Paris Hilton's hacked-into Sidekick and the FBI was in hot pursuit of the responsible party or parties, the obit writers of the nation were working overtime with a payday of celebrity deaths. Self-indulgent "gonzo" journalist Hunter Thompson, who singlehandedly opened the door for singularly bad writers to get a foothold in publishing, died by shooting himself in the head. He was 65. Eighty-eight-year-old singer John Raitt, father of Bonnie and originator of the Billy Bigelow character in the musical Carousel, died yesterday of pneumonia at his home in Pacific Palisades.

But almost too sad is the death at 62 of all-American girl-next-door Hollywood teen idol Sandra Dee. She died of kidney failure in a hospital in Thousand Oaks after being on dialysis for four years. The onetime model and cover girl is best known for starring in such fare as Gidget, A Summer Place, Come September, Imitation of Life, and a trio of Tammy sequels. She played opposite box-office favorites like Rock Hudson, Troy Donahue, Lana Turner, Peter Fonda, and June Allyson, and was voted one of Hollywood's top-10 moneymakers in 1960 and in 1961. In 1960, she married fellow teen idol, singer Bobby Darin, after dating him for one month. They were divorced in 1967.

Dee's last feature film was "The Dunwich Horror" (1970), although she appeared in made-for-TV films throughout the decade. Although the song "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" in the 1978 film "Grease" brought her renewed attention, Dee led a generally reclusive life in recent years. Her last credit was for the 1983 movie "Lost." In a 1991 interview with People magazine, she said that she was sexually abused as a child by her stepfather and that she was pushed into stardom by her mother. She said she had battled depression, alcohol and anorexia, and had hit bottom after her mother died in 1988. She credited her son with helping her recover.

Ampersands 9

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

Answers to Ampersands 8: 1) Beck & call, 2) Cash & carry, 3) Pride & joy, 4) Wax & wane, 5) Bert & Ernie, 6) Wait & see, 7) Cowboys & Indians, 8) Far & away, 9) Rise & shine, 10) Car & driver, 11) Field & Stream, 12) Fire & ice, 13) Fife & drum

Worrying Times

Princess Michael - race relations not her strongest area

Dear American friends,

I’m actually rather troubled. Last week, this “delightful gentleman” was jailed for desecrating a Jewish cemetery. Quite right too, for we in Britain cherish our multicultural and tolerant society.

Or so I thought.

In the last month, there has been such an onslaught of anti-Semitism from the upper echelons of society that you could be forgiven for thinking that our aforementioned graveyard-centric friend was merely following the example set by his betters. This recent glut seems to have started with dear Prince Harry who, as previously described on the WOW Report and pretty much everywhere else, attended a party in Nazi regalia. Everyone called for an apology. He refused. Still, his father did ground him for a while, so that’s OK.

Meanwhile, the Labour Party, our esteemed government, were preparing their campaign for the next General Election, expected this summer. Their first shots: posters depicting two senior Jewish members of the main rival party as either very non-kosher flying pigs or as Fagin, an evil Dickensian, anti-Semitic caricature. Apologies trickled out reluctantly, and the posters were withdrawn. Eventually.

Next, London’s upstanding mayor, Ken Livingstone, compares – on record – a reporter he knew to be Jewish to “a German war criminal, a concentration camp guard” for having the audacity to ask him a question as he left a public reception paid for by the London tax payer. Everyone – even Prime Minister Tony Blair – called for an apology. He refused. And keeps refusing.

And at the end of last week, the very royal Princess Michael of Kent takes up the baton. You remember her – she’s that charming lady who told a group of African-American diners in New York that they should “remember the colonies” when they dared to be noisy in the same restaurant as her. In an interview with a German newspaper, she defended Prince Harry’s Nazi costume, explaining that the only reason there was any fuss at all was because of “the ownership structure of the press,” meaning, of course, that the press is owned by Jews.

Now, to my knowledge not one national newspaper in the UK is Jewish owned. But even if every newspaper in the world was owned and run exclusively by rabbis, that would still be an outrageous comment, worthy of the Fuhrer himself. In fact, I think it’s as bad as kicking over headstones.

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that we are living in the 21st Century, and that we commemorated the liberation of Auschwitz less than a month ago. Still, at least we have the Royals for guidance.

– Barry Shaverin

Sitings

• Clay kitten shooting. One of our WOW employees, a PETA girl, took down names when we played it. And a sweet kitty owner had to leave the room. It's all that blood and mewing.
• If you're appalled by pork, farting, eggs, chickens, sheep, or repetitious music, you'll want to skip this happy little cartoon.
• Miniature golf. Really miniature. (t/y Eduardo)
• Internet tennis.

Snap!

The bride also released doves.

What's New on IDT?

The Bush administration reinstates an obscenity case. Damiano's son remembers secretly seeing Deep Throat for $5 when he was 14, then at a father-son private screening not so long ago. The Linda Lovelace doll comes with no hair. Win a free IDT T-shirt. Page Six Six Six says IDT captures "the true spirit of tittytainment." Xaviera Hollander answers 5ive Questions. The Pornology timeline comes to an end. (Go to IDT)

Ask a Black Girl

She'll Hook You Up

yo black chick,
im blk, wyte n hispanic and in middle school and all tha fione black guys like all tha girls wit big boobs n big chests. i is perdy cuz i get compliments all tha time n shit. but ya think they juz like ass or they just aint like me or wut up
– me

dear me,
dayum yo! you all mixed up. from what i can undastand in yo letter, you wanna know if the bros like you. if ya gotta ask mami, then the answer is probly hell naw! from where i stand big boobs and big chests is da same thang so what you talkin bout? lil dudes in middle school like big boobs cause its a visual thang. they ain't knowin how powerful da azz is yet! sound like you ain't got no azz or no boobs but you think you cute cause you got good hair or something. i'm sayin, you in middle school. all you need to be worried bout right now is getting to high school. don't trip on them knuckleheads. just be cute, be you, and twerk what you got. your time is coming.

Dear Black Girl,
I am down on my luck right now in my love life. I am a white girl who loves black men and always have. I find myself in a vicious cycle however, because my relationships always start off good and end up with me taking care of the men. They end up losing their jobs, or just never finding that job they told me they wanted. I know that as you read this you just think I am your average dumb white girl who gets used by black men. But I do not feel like they are using me. The reality is, though, that I am alone again. Are there no sincere black guys out there?
– Tonya

dear tonya,
girl my first instinct here is to get my powder so i can slap you! i am sure there is sincere black men out there. but as long as they know that they america's most wanted, in more ways then one feel me? they gone keep acting up. you seem real sincere to me and i just think you need to stop wookin pa nub in all da wrong places. first off take a look at you to find out why you attracting shit? i am going to ask all my readers a question. yall write me all the time about black men dis, black men dat. i want to know why you want a black man? why he gotta be black? if it's some thug passion you want get that on da low and then take ya ass home to tom.

on the real, why do yall want black men?
holla at ya girl

Lovers Fall Apart at the Seams

Superstar Italian fashion designers Domenico Dolce, 46, and Stefano Gabbana, 42, who have been a couple in both their business and personal relationships for 20 years, announced their split yesterday. Though they have each been seeing other men, Dolce told an Italian paper that Gabbana will always be the most important person in his life. That's sure to please his new boyfriend. Today's Page Six reports that Gabbana's mother was horrified when she read that her son was the lover of his business partner. Usually, mothers pick up on these things.

Sitings

• Severely protective outerwear when he won't take no for an answer and Mace just isn't enough. (t/y Pam)
• James Lileks' collection of old comic strips. From the guy who brought you the Gallery of Regrettable Food.
• Light-up bras. No disco lighting will ever detract from your chest again.

Club Kids 2005

The first three outfits are DaviDelfin creations that were featured as part of their fall-winter 2005/06 collection at the Pasarela Cibeles fashion show in Madrid, Spain. The last picture of scary, chair-throwing actress Mischa Barton was found on PageSixSixSix. There's only one conclusion that we can draw from these pictures – and that's CLUBKIDISM IS BACK, BABY! Yes! Retro St.James fever! Finally, it's MY TURN TO SHINE!

– James St. James

From the Desk of the JG

The positive movie reviews that we're getting (and I say "we" as if I'm the creative force behind this doc) are nice. But sometimes critics can't be trusted. Sometimes you just need a friend's advice. I've asked some of the people in my life for their feedback on Inside Deep Throat.

"I've got a rocket in my pocket." - My buddy Gregg

"I saw boobies. Big fake boobies!" - My cousin Tim

"It's the Spider-Man II of insightful porn documentaries." - My online chat buddy, spideysenses4193

"That thing Harry Reems has is enormous. I mean look at the size of that thing. It's so gigantic. But why'd he shave it off?" - Chris McKim

"I liked when the T-Rex ate all the aliens." - My four year old neighbor, Billy, who I told I was working on Jurassic Park 4: Dinos in Space

"Yes, I get the joke. You've said it everyday for the past three weeks. Now seriously, would you like a six-inch or a footlong." - Sandwich artist Miguel from Subway

"Shameful. Disgusting. Ungodly. (Whisper) When does it come out on DVD?" - Father Thomas McGinley

"That Gerard Damiano is one sharp dresser." - Me

"Will Smith has done it again! Undeniably charming!" - Moye Ishimoto

"Run! Run now! Run as far away from that place as you can." - My mom

– Jim Galasso

Berlin Alexanderplotz

This email came today from Randy:

I lost my passport in Berlin. OK, I didn't lose it, I threw it away. OK, I didn't throw it away knowingly. Anyway, I've been stuck in Berlin.

But this morning I got a new passport, and the most amazing thing is that while I was at the US Embassy the people there knew all about Inside Deep Throat. In fact, just before I did my oath, the guy behind the glass counter was asking me about Harry Reems and Linda Lovelace!

Meanwhile my nightmare continues. After spending a day as a man with no country, it appears I am now a man without a flight. Hmm, what's better? Spending a day at the Embassy or the night at the airport? Neither.

What's New on IDT?

Today on IDT, we alert you again to the new theaters showing the documentary starting tomorrow. There are provocative pull-quotes from a thoughtful article in the Portland Phoenix, an almost accepting review from the Catholic News Service, a photo of IDT's unsung co-producer Mona Card partying in Berlin, and a look at the Montreal Mirror cover story on Bailey, Barbato, and Inside Deep Throat, written by a woman who gets it. Plus. . . a snippet of Brian Grazer talking to Details.

2705: A Space Atrocity

This is how Bugs Bunny has been reimagined for a projected series to air in the fall on the WB's Saturday morning kiddie fare. Six Warner Bros characters, including Daffy Duck and Road Runner, will be given super powers, dressed in Spandex, and sent 700 years into the future. WB is calling the show Loonatics. Say it ain't so! "Apparently, falling anvils and exploding cigars are no longer enough to keep kids 6 to 11 years old entertained," says Page Six, which related the awful news today. We're thinking 700 years from now there's a good chance it will be OK for Bugs and Elmer to finally hook up after all that psycho foreplay.

What's the Good Word?

Just came back from Starbucks on one of the Scientology corners of Hollywood Boulevard. Jeez, they have their own language. Starbucks, we mean, not Scientology. According to the Starbucks Glossary, posted recently on banterist.com, most of us WOW employees are "antiventis" because we reject the lingo used to establish what size coffee we want, and ask instead for small, medium, or large, because we live in America. And we often experience a "delait" waiting to use the milk thermos. There are more terms.

Hollywood and Divine

As their documentary Inside Deep Throat is about to open wider this weekend, directors Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato open their houses to the LA Times' Home section today. Writer David Keeps pokes around Bailey's Arts and Crafts bungalow (above), originally built for Cecil B DeMille, and Barbato's Spanish manse in Hollywood Dell (below), admiring the old-Hollywood-and-then-some style of interior designer A J Bernard.

Over the last four years, designer A.J. Bernard, who wears trim custom-tailored suits and drives a 1979 black Chevy Silverado pickup, has become a part of that family, helping Bailey and Barbato realize working and living spaces that reflect Hollywood design from the 1920s and '30s while showcasing the filmmakers' eccentric tastes. Their two homes are filled with Art Deco and midcentury designs as well as 20th century kitsch such as "Dynasty" dishes and Spice Girls action figures. (More)

Photos: Myung J. Chun / LAT

Snap!

"Funny" Uncle Arthur, courtesy candyboots.

Ashley, Actually

The blond half of the Olsen twins is suing the National Enquirer and its parent companies, American Media Inc and National Enquirer Inc, for $40 million over a story the magazine published in its February 21 issue alleging she was involved in a drug scandal. Although the article doesn't directly say she either does or sells drugs, she was pictured on the cover with her eyes half closed, which is usually a good sign that someone is high. (Yahoo)

"Freedom of the press is a valuable right, but it is not a license for gossipy tabloids to tar and feather innocent celebrities and destroy their reputations and businesses for the rags' profits," the lawsuit said.

Snap-on!

What will Michael wear to court next Tuesday?

Achtung, Baby

While WOWers Chris and Thairin were in San Francisco recently, they came across a window with graffiti and faux Abercrombie & Fitch ads featuring Third Reich imagery. See it at Phototopia. Not that we're endorsing Third Reich imagery, mind you, or Abercrombie & Fitch. Though we are partial to graffiti. If it's done right.

What's New on IDT?

Today, we have a report by our British correspondent on the Berlin scene during the film festival there. The porno timeline continues, from Patty Hearst's capture and arrest to the fining and sentencing of eight men for obscenity due to Deep Throat. More reviews. (No, seriously, is this the most-reviewed film since reviews were invented?) We find out why those new prints of Deep Throat are taking so long. And if you keep scrolling, you're bound to find stuff you missed. (Go there)

Recently Dead

It's safe to say that, in modern times, the trend of spotting apparitions of the Virgin Mary or Jesus on a fire escape in Echo Park started with Lucia Marto in Fatima, Portugal, almost 90 years ago. Because of her, Jesus can pop up on a grilled-cheese sandwich or seep through a freshly painted tenement wall. Now that Sister Lucia (yes, so deeply moved was she by her sighting that she married Christ) has died (she was 97), we might very well begin to find her face on household objects.

In 1917, Lucia and her two cousins saw the Virgin once a month, from May to October, always on the 13th, in a town 70 miles from Lisbon. When word got out, probably around June, crowds showed up. At three of her appearances, the Virgin made a prediction and, frankly, she could predict circles around Nostradamus. Her first prediction was that WWI would end, followed by a worse war; the second that Christianity would return to Communist Russia; the third prediction was sealed until 2000, when it was revealed that she'd said an assassin would attempt to kill Pope John Paul II in 1981 (which a Turkish gunman tried to do in St. Peter's Square on May 13th of that year).

Sister Lucia died February 13. We're just saying. (LA Times)

(They made a movie)

The Apprentice UK

James Max

WOW London has been excited for months about the UK version of The Apprentice, which starts tonight on BBC2. So excited, in fact, that we just had to check out the contestants on line as soon as they were published. Imagine our surprise when WOW’s old friend James Max popped up.

Max auditioned for one of our own shows – the details of which, sadly, must remain top secret for now – last year. He was a sensational character, and narrowly missed out being our presenter.

Our money is on him to go all the way with Sir Alan Sugar. We’ll keep you posted.

– Barry Shaverin

Sitings

• Judging from this clip, Jennifer Love Hewitt is a trampy seductress in underwear through most of Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber, a movie upcoming on the Oxygen channel. (t/y Eduardo)

The Basement Tapes

In the late '90s, TV producers and writers thought a gay sitcom would never happen in their lifetime. They were wrong, of course; now, it seems there's at least one queer on every show. And it's quite possible we have Roseanne to thank for that. On her self-titled sitcom, gay characters were as matter-of-factly abundant as celebrity guests on Will & Grace are today. In 1997, World of Wonder covered the "pinking" of the airwaves in an hourlong documentary for Channel 4 in the UK. Narrated by Laura Kightlinger, Tickled Pink observed the TV landscape around the time Ellen's sitcom character was coming out and Roseanne's was planning an extravagant wedding for Martin Mull and Fred Willard. (Watch the clip)

Snap!

James St. James parties with friends in the WOW basement. Photographed by Aaron Farley for Ostrich Ink. Read Kyle Buchanan's interview with the "clubland diety."

Mr St. James is wearing B-Rude for Heatherette

Dog Bless You

Yesterday we posted Liberace's personals ad in the hope it would whet your appetite for all things dog, in anticipation of Showdog Moms & Dads, the Showbiz Moms & Dads sequel that begins airing on Bravo on March 30. Today, we give you the Puptastic blog, which yesterday posted canine valentines from the Hobodogblog blog. The valentines are in haiku form, but it's really just doggerel.

Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds – I celebrate
By kissing your face.

She's Ready for her Chloëseup

Chloë Sevigny, in an attempt to shake off her indie pallor, is looking to star in some of today's big-BO mainstream comedies, reports A Socialite's Life via IOL via Page Six. The Party Monster star tried out for both School of Rock and Zoolander, but casting agents were going in a different direction. "I even auditioned for Wes Craven!" says the actress. Socialite Miu von Furstenburg advises the actress that she might "want to rethink taking roles in which you actually have to perform fellatio on film. Not real mainstream there."

Jacko Feels Sicko

The list of possible witnesses read to the 240-member jury pool in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial-of-the-century in Santa Maria sounded like the VIP guest list at some tired nightclub: Elizabeth Taylor, Jay Leno, Quincy Jones, Kobe Bryant, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross, Chris Tucker, Corey Feldman, Brett Ratner, Nick Carter and his younger brother Aaron, Larry King, Ed Bradley, Deepak Chopra, Uri Geller, David Blaine, Steve Wynn, relatives of Marlon Brando, plus hundreds of others. Even Star Jones wouldn't be interested (but she'd try to get on the list anyway).

But selecting the final jury today has been postponed until the 22nd because frail flower Michael Jackson became ill with the flu en route to court and had to be taken to a local Santa Maria hospital emergency room and promptly admitted. Hmm. Some people here at the WOW offices have had the flu recently, including this editor, and none had to be treated with anything other than over-the-counter geltabs. But it must be difficult getting nasal spray up that tiny nose without surgery. Unless the sudden illness is a stalling move. (Yahoo, My Way)

Star Is Rats Spelled Backwards

We can only hope that it was at least partially because of our online petition to stop Star Jones from continuing to be Star Jones that she was rejected from all but one of the Grammy parties she RSVP'd to (plus four) even though she wasn't invited to any of them. You know, in that way she has. (And we also pray that the plus-four was people, not extra poundage.) (Page Six)

Schticks and Schtones

Matt Drudge reports that Chris Rock, the comic due to host the upcoming Oscarfest, has been vocal about his disdain for the awards ceremony and the gays who watch it. "I never watched the Oscars," Drudge has Rock quoted as saying (in an Entertainment Weekly interview). "Come on, it's a fashion show. What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one! Awards for art are f---ing idiotic." Naturally the Hollywood villagers have lit their torches and are storming the Academy in protest. It does seem alarming.

But in a sister story over at Yahoo, Oscar producer Gil Cates says says he and the Academy support Rock and deny that anyone at the Academy is offended. Even GLAAD, whose collective nose is usually somewhat out of joint, says, "Chris Rock isn't making fun of gays – he's poking fun at the Oscars. It's schtick." (Related, Page Six, ??)

Sitings

• Wash your sins away. Confess at comeclean.com. (t/y Beau)
• Never pull over. (t/y Terrance)

Snap!

(Click to enlarge)

Lawn Day's Journey Into Night

On the preview last night for next week's Desperate Housewives, we had a glimpse of Gabrielle and Carlos Solis' new gardener, played by Ryan Carnes (left), who was a star of Q Allan Brocka's film Eating Out. Brocka was a codirector on WOW's Porno Valley series in London, and is working on WOW's K-11, in development for Court TV.

Anyway, according to Towleroad, the Desperate Housewives producers have more in store for Carnes than simply tending bush on Wisteria Lane. Rumor has it he's the one who will be discovered kissing Andrew van de Kamp in an upcoming episode, Andrew being Bree's unremorseful hit-and-run-driver son, of course. And Towleroad asks, "Is that the last we've seen of Jesse Metcalfe? I hope not."

Showdog's List

DOGGIE PERSONALS

Liberace – I'm an eight-pound toy fox terrier, male, 7" high, with a bone-dry sense of humor. I like chasing tail, couture collars, and of course eating poop. I don't like bitches or show judges, and I would rather not obey. Oh snap! I'm seeking to meet a champion stud of the same breed with the same interests as mine. Should be into leather leashes and not afraid of toys. No fats, no fleas, no neuter. Mixed breeds need not apply. I can be seen on Showdog Moms & Dads, beginning March 30 on Bravo.