Sitings

• David Straightjacket, the British one-man freakshow. And he's cute to boot.
• What with March of the Penguins being such a big hit and all, we thought we'd revive this hit penguin game from a while back. Enjo-o-o-o-o-oy-y-y. (via chilloutzone)

Snap! Cap

My finger puppet has a finger puppet. (Matt)

Letter from Lafayette

That Fleshbot post from waterlogged Jonno this morning actually was posted by his lovely assistant editor Violet. And meanwhile, we've contacted the boy and he's replied, much to our relief. Sez he:

hello dollface -

i'm fine, at least physically - the boyfriend and the hounds (all four of them) and i decamped to Lafayette, LA (<- two hours west of NO and home of hot Cajun boys) on Saturday night and are staying with friends until things are drier on the home front, which may be at least another week or two according to latest reports, and assuming we have a home to go back to. it's all rather surreal.

so i guess i'm as well as can be expected under the circumstances. thank god for muscle relaxers is all i can say.

thanks for your concern - it really does make things easier knowing that friends are thinking about us.

xo jonno

ps - send bourbon + eyeliner

The Pet Shop Boy

(Click to enlarge. Meet the pets at MrGisby.com)

The Other Other White Meat

Yes, the world is coming to an end. Armegeddon is just around the corner. But let's concentrate for a moment on the GOOD NEWS we all got today. What's that, you say? You must have missed it among the headlines about looting and rioting and toxic gunk spilling into the streets of New Orleans. Well, sit down for this! It seems Daniel Fletcher, a research scientist at the University of Georgia, has developed a way to transform dark meat into white meat! YES!! He spins the meat at high speed and "the centrifigal force separates the mixture into layers of water, fat, and meat particles." YUM! They expect this process to be used in the production of Chicken Nuggets, and I for one CAN"T WAIT! ALSO – in other good news – eating fish might prevent sunburn! Isn't this a glorious world we live in? (via Huffington Post)

– James St. James

Yikes!

Many of the rapes that occur in South Africa each year are not reported, but those that are amount to more than 50,000. That's a whole lotta rape. "Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped," says 57-year-old Sonette Ehlers. Thinking it was "high time" a woman could feel safe from being attacked, Ehlers invented the Rapex, a device worn like a tampon that clamps onto the penis when it enters the vagina. The attacker is immediately preoccupied with getting the thing off of him, forgetting about his victim and allowing her to escape. However, the latex device with shafts of barbs doesn't come off that easily – ha ha – and can be removed only through surgery. And naturally the surgeon will alert police. But who will believe the man who tries to explain that his girlfriend forgot to remove it before she invited him to spend the night? (Yahoo)

To Do, Literally

Diva, with drinks. Tonight and tomorrow at the El Rey Theatre, the irrepressible world's first supermodel, Janice Dickinson, performs her one-woman experience, What Would Janice Do?, with cocktails beforehand. Rumor has it there's no script, and LA.com has it that "her celeb gossip will be no-holds-barred and she's just as happy to claw her way through her 'Model'-ing experience without holding back on the real dirt." $35 general seating, $50 VIP reserved table seating. El Rey, 5515 Wilshire Boulevard, 323 936-6400.

We Have a F*cking Better Idea

According to a story on msnbc.msn, students in two "troublesome" classes in a school in Wellingborough, England, will be allowed to say "fuck" and other top-shelf curse words, as long as they keep the number down to five. Fair enough. The teachers, likely the brunt of the epithets, will keep a running tab on the blackboard so the kids can see how many more uses they have left. If they go overboard with an extra "shit" or two, they will be "spoken to" quite firmly. Voices no doubt will be raised. Still, the policy, directed to 15- and 16-year-olds and intended to improve behavior, is not without controversy. Parents and members of parliament have condemned it, wondering if perhaps people should be allowed to speed five times and rob houses five times. "You don't improve something by allowing it," said one MP, "you improve something by discouraging it." But we say, to fend off criticism and make hurling abuse seem more educational, why not teach the little buggers to swear in 165 languages.

Snap!

No matter what kind of day you're having, you don't have to live on a floating door. We're wondering if, during times of disaster, No Parking Any Time still applies. (Yahoo)

Of Interest

No comment.

Di! Di! My Darling!

On the anniversary of Princess Diana's death in that alleged accident in Paris, the Guardian has a piece ("Burned out long ago") on how it's not Diana we miss exactly, but the era she represented – the no-worry '90s. We excerpt:

And yet a larger thought is prompted by a look back to the summer of 1997 through the lens of 2005. Suddenly it seems clearer what the Diana era itself, the 1990s, was all about. It was hard to tell at the time, but now the 1990s have a definition as sharp as the swinging 60s or the greedy 80s. They were the no-worry 90s.

For, viewed from today, the 1990s look like a kind of holiday, a pause between two eras of anxiety and conflict. Just as Eric Hobsbawm defined the 19th century as stretching from 1789 to 1914, so we can take the same liberty: the 90s began with the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991 and ended with the fall of the twin towers in 2001.

In other words, that decade was the hiatus between the cold war and the clash of civilisations. Before the 90s, the world was caught in a stand-off between east and west that seemed destined to bring armageddon. After the 90s, the world has become locked in a new confrontation of east and west, with Islam replacing Communism as the great menace.

After all, what were the preoccupations of the time? In the US, the two largest national dramas of the decade were the OJ Simpson trial and the Monica Lewinsky scandal. One looks at that from today's vantage point with a warped kind of envy: lucky is the society so untroubled that it has nothing graver on its mind than two glorified soap operas.

House of Pain

So last night in the Big house, it was revealed that America voted to let Janelle receive a phone call from the outside world. Janelle, considered with envy and hatred by her housemates to be the "lucky" one because she wins everything, chose to "waste" her call on a frivolous conversation with former housemate Michael, whom she'd known for only two weeks. If the ambience in the house had been contentious before, last night it became a festering cesspool. Ivette, who selfishly believed she deserved a call more than anyone, broke down in tears like a spoiled bambina, sobbing her hatred for Janelle; April expressed her hatred for all of America; Janelle, bless her, remained chirpy; and doofus Howie continued to believe in his own handsomeness.

Meanwhile, Randy's friend Clancy emails this tidbit this morning: "I watched the talk show on the web page... Did you know that Ivette is a racist? Apparently the live feed reveals this. Spread the word." Which we find bizarre, because Ivette herself is a ball of minorities. Whatever, turns out she may be tenacious, but she's not popular. Here's what AfterEllen.com has to say.

Even in polls on AfterEllen.com, the number of voters saying they dislike or outright hate her is 70%, with only 15% holding a positive opinion of her. And despite the fact that Ivette is one of only 7 remaining houseguests, only around 8% of voters think she's likely to win ("the only way she could win is if the rest of the houseguests die," commented one voter).

(Photo: Ivette and Janelle)

Porn Soldiers On

Oh, the humanity. What are they calling it? The worst natural disaster in US history? Yet our friend Jonno, the Fleshbotmeister, headquartered smack in New Orleans proper, seems unfazed, thank god, and continues with the snoggin' bloggin' even as the water reaches his chin. Only difference now, though, is that the Red Cross makes an unprecedented appearance in his postings.

I’m sure that, like me, once you peruse these galleries of fine young women flashing their fruits N’awlins style, you’ll take a moment to donate a dollar or ten to the American Red Cross and help get the Crescent City back on its feet.

Sitings

• Evolution, Creationism, Intelligent Design, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster? We're gonna need more info on that last one. And more info on the info. (t/y Terrance)

Snap! Cap

"How many horses you got under the hood? ... Uh huh. And how many in the back seat? ... I see." (Shiner)

Visions of Johannesburg

A 30-year-old man in Johannesburg, South Africa, has become traumatized and unable to speak after being raped by three women whose ages ranged from 30 to 36. One was described as being a slender Zulu-speaking woman with a ponytail, dressed in black denim pants, a pink T-shirt, black leather jacket, and black baseball hat. The women approached the man in their car and asked him to get in and direct them to a hotel. But on the way they changed direction and drove to a field, where they made him undress at gunpoint, then undressed themselves and took turns raping him. After forcing him back into the car, they drove him to a main road and dropped him off. Or out. The man, whose name cannot be revealed because he's a rape victim, is not handling the situation well at all. Captain Paula Nothnagel of the West Rand police, said the man has undergone HIV testing and will be receiving counseling. (iafrica.com)

The St. James Version

I took another week off to work on my book. I’m heading into the home stretch now, and getting pretty excited. It’s been difficult at times. I’ve been writing it in dribs and drabs, here and there, whenever I get a chance. It’s like giving birth in pieces.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s fiction – my first. And, oh, my poor hero. I am really putting him through the wringer. Just pounding the crap out of him.

And you know how method actors tend to take their roles home with them? I seem to be "method writing" because I’ve been rather anguished myself these past couple of weeks. I’ve been grumpy. Depressed. Feel like I’m going through the wringer.

And it doesn’t help that I’m secretly in love with my romantic lead. He’s just SO HANDSOME! Sort of a crazy situation, I know. Now, if this were the A-Ha world, I would just jump into the page. kiss the boy, and live happily ever after. But, alas, I don’t think it’s meant to be.

TransPoster

The poster for the documentary TransGeneration, which features a college student's checklist of such things as "Hang Posters, Buy Textbooks, Drop Calculus, SEX CHANGE," has been altered at Boise State University. "Go see Transgeneration" has been plastered over "SEX CHANGE," a victim of the humor police. Autumn Haynes, interim director of the Women's Center, was quick to point out she did not consider the change to be censorship, but said she thought the inclusion of a sex change on the list trivialized transgender persons. She felt uncomfortable with it and "thought it was truly insensitive." She said others who sponsored the screening agreed with the change to the poster. (Arbiter Online)

Budapest Pests

We followed up on an item we saw today on Page Six that reported how obnoxious Steven Spielberg and his pushy crew have been to the residents of Budapest, where he's been shooting his secret film, Munich, for the last two weeks. They're angry with having their cars towed out of scenes without prior notice, being forbidden to take pictures on the streets where they live, having Hungary altered to look like Italy, and the general bad treatment from the arrogant Americans. We went to Pestiside.hu, The Daily Dish of Cosmopolitan Budapest, and found the situation fully documented.

In the Cabinet

Got the most beautiful invitation to an Inaugural Ball from the Commander in Chief today. It's on thick cream card stock with raised gold lettering, embossed seal, and wrapped in pink ribbon with a die cut medallion. Very presidential-looking in a gay kind of way.

Couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was for. Then – duh – realized it's to promote the ABC TV show Commander in Chief, in which Geena Davis plays the president. The gala affair is a call "to dramatically increase the percentages of female characters – and to reduce gender stereotyping – in media made for children 0 -11" in the ent biz.

Thing is, the invitation is by-the-book gender stereotyping (pink + ribbon = girlie), although I thought with Geena Davis and all the trimmings it was some kind of gay thing. But then I'm not in that 0-11 age bracket they are so concerned about.

A Presidential table will cost you just $10,000.

– Fenton Bailey

We Get Letters

Christian Lepanto sent us the email with attached photo this morning and we post it here verbatim for your enjoyment and deconstruction:

OK I was wondering if by chance James St. James may have been in Grand Rapids Michigan this past weekend or am I just being hopeful. Also the inside scoop that I have is slightly multilayered. DC Shoes which is a skateboard shoe ended up getting inadvertently immortalized in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre by Adam Sandler. I send this shot out to DC and they end up hiring the cement man of the Theatre to cast a mold for them. This person is Sassoon and is the first celebrity worth mentioning and the next is that in September he will be laying cement for none other than Johnny Depp and I have been personally invited by Sassoon to attend all cement reveals for him to shoot as I know in my heart of hearts he got payment of a pretty penny and felt like giving me something I could enjoy. Next I was called by a hacker who had gotten Paris Hilton's phone book and then accessed Chad Muska's voicemail box and I am the only Shmoe to actually leave a real phone number to call and they told me they did this and found me and to give Chad a new code for his voicemail to seal it from the next hacker.  I have no idea about you using any of this but I thought I would let you in on it   christian

The Last Dance

While New York's seminal punk club CBGB may have had a miraculous stay of eviction, LA's legendary Derby could be having its last dance. Bought a year ago by developers, the club is about to be replaced by a five-story eyesore of condos, shops, and a supermarket. (The city seems to have an aversion to landmarking; take, for example, the radical razing and McMansioning of Pickfair.) We're talking about the space where Joan Crawford tended bar in Mildred Pierce and Vince and the boys were money in Swingers.

The Derby, now the virtual home of swing, is steeped in Hollywood history, It was opened in 1940 by Cecil B DeMille and called the Brown Derby Car Cafe. It was where the first meetings were held, in the '50s, to select the initial 1,500 Walk of Fame stars. The venue closed in the '60s and reopened later as Michael's of Los Feliz. When it was renovated and reopened in 1993, the new owners restored the Derby name.

Fortunately, the Los Angeles Conservancy and a group called Save the Derby are dancing as fast as they can to keep the wrecking ball at bay. (Yahoo)

Of Interest

Well, today we have Faye Dunaway again, this time paired with Portia di Rossi. Why is that? What, other than their good looks, could they possibly have in common?

This Justin

Hey, kids, listen up. This doesn't happen very often. The Brit tab News of the World has published an apology in its pages for a story it printed on July 18 alleging that popster Justin Timberlake had dallied romantically with a certain Lucy Clarkson while girlfriend Cameron Diaz was looking the other way. Timberlake strongly denied the story and Clarkson has since admitted to fabricating the affair. Read the apology here.

That's Him, Officer!

The man who flashed and fondled himself in front of a young woman on a Manhattan subway train has been identified as the owner of two raw-food restaurants in the city. Ew. His photo, taken by the victim with a camera phone, circulated on the Internet and was given to transit police. If arrested, he will be charged with the misdemeanor public lewdness. (NY Daily News)

Flash(er) Photography

A girl on the New York subway shot this guy with her camera phone after he "exposed and began molesting himself" for her benefit. He got off (not as intended) at the next stop, and she set to work trying to apprehend the man. Read her journal at Flickr.

From the Desk of the JG

I keep reading about this supposed slump at the box-office, and I ask myself, what is keeping me from going to the movies? It's not the annoying Fanta commercials. It's not a lack of quality films being released. And it's certainly not the accessibility and convenience of DVDs. The answer is as plain as Britney Spears' face and literally sits right under my fat ass. It's the price of those damn cushy seats.

If theater owners are really concerned about declining numbers, they should offer punch cards. See 7 movies, get the 8th free. Encourage consumerism. You'd see an immediate spike in ticket sales. It's like Subway, before they discontinued their system. You go there only to get your card punched. And while we're at it, what's the deal with Subway ditching this gimmick anyway? Are profits down now that they've hired so many "sandwich artists" to stack cold cuts? Now Coffee Bean is doing the same thing and abandoning their punch card system. You can't tell me that giving away a few free coffees is hurting business. It's coffee. It shouldn't cost $3.50 in the first place. You're making a killing. Be thankful and reward the junkies who support you on a daily basis.

Snap! Cap

"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" (Shiner)

Hello Titty

Demonbaby takes a trip to the childlike adult shops of Japan. At top, Yokohama Bust Pudding; below, Sack II condoms and vagina-in-a-can.

Hotshot

No need to wipe off your computer screen; that speck is Dave Smith, previously the record holder for longest distance traveled by a person shot out of a cannon, now the first to sail across a border. Pictured here on Saturday, he's being fired from Tijuana to San Diego, propelled 150 feet into the air over a fence of black metal poles 20 feet high and into a net. Venezuelan artist Javier Tellez organized the event as a "living sculpture" meant to dissolve borders between Mexico and the US and between the mentally ill and the rest of the world. (Boston.com)

Snap! at the VMA

Meow. What were the odds this would happen and have no one say a word?

Snap! at the VMA

Miss Keys, please! When you have breasts like tiny muffins spaced so far apart that there's room for a third one, is this really the dress to wear to an event where you might be photographed? Perhaps an artist's smock next time.

Recently Dead

Dancer-turned-beauty queen-turned actress Ruth Hampton died Thursday of undisclosed causes in Kansas at age 74. Pennsylvania-born Regina Ruth June Hampton, who went by the name Rene Clary at the time of her death, danced with the Philadelphia Civic Ballet and the Rockettes before being crowned Miss New Jersey in 1952 and heading out to Hollywood following the pageant. The glamour girl appeared in six films, including the 1953 western, Law and Order, starring Ronald Reagan, and 1954's Ricochet Romance with Marjorie Main. (UPI via Washington Times)

Sexorcism

We really wish Christians would mind their own business and leave the hell-destined heathens alone. Two Jesus freaks advised a dozen English teenagers on how to remain celibate for No Sex Please, We're Teenagers, a BBC2 three-part "observational documentary series" (a reality show by another name) that we hope never crosses the Atlantic. The 15- to 17-year-olds, who will live together in a house and be challenged to abstain from sex for five months, were counseled by the Christian youth workers (who created the series) in weekly sessions at their Romance Academy. And we're sure the name of Jesus was never invoked. (Sky)

Transfer Students

TransGeneration, the WOW doc that observes four college students over the course of a year as they contemplate sex change surgery, is receiving a lot of press attention, from Orlando ("a most sympathetic exploration of sexual identity") to Anchorage ("spellbinding, intimate"). Here are some other reviews and screenings:

North Carolina
San Francisco
Hollywood
Boise
Austin
Houston
Hartford
Ohio State
Wyoming
Denver
Indiana

It Just Keeps On Keepin' On

Considered lost and gone for decades, the original negative for back-in-the-news porn film Deep Throat has been found, quite by accident, in a canister locked in a New York City film vault. The discovery was "a pretty great moment" for Paul Interlandi, head of production at Arrow Productions. He and everybody else thought the negative had been confiscated by the feds during a raid on Arrow over 30 years ago. The film, labeled "Lost Treasure" on the canister (so who knew?), is back in SoCal, ready to be cleaned and transferred to high definition. Also found was the trailer for the Deep Throat sequel, Deep Throat Part II. The restored version of Deep Throat and a short documentary on the film and its star, Linda Lovelace, will screen at the Rio de Janeiro International Film Festival in September. As will, of course, the Deep Throat deconstructor, Inside Deep Throat. (xbiz)

Them!

School prayer is illegal, the Ten Commandments have gone into hiding, the gays are getting married, abortion is rampant, Deep Throat is back and Christian Exodus, a group of Christian zealots who want a government based on biblical principles, are mad as heck and aren't going to take it anymore. What they will take, however, is South Carolina, starting with the sheriff's offices, city councils, and school boards, with the dream of turning that state into one that laughs at the constitutionally mandated separation of church and state. "We're going to force a constitutional crisis," said Cory Burnell, 29, an investment advisor who founded the group in November 2003. "If necessary, we will secede from the union." (Common Dreams)

Of Interest

Raquel Welch and Faye Dunaway.

Snap! Cap

Once Tommy showed girls his tongue, they seemed to forget about his missing teeth. (M4RK)

Oh Brother

Say what you will about Big Brother in the UK, the Big Brother here is just fine, thank you, the best reality show there ever was. We've been watching it since the second season, the one that was retooled to be interesting. This season, BB6, with its two floors, "Summer of Secrets" theme, and complex rhythm of competitions, evictions, and vetoes, is turning into a deliciously festering stew of animosity with name calling, tears, power shifts, and palpable hatred between two unpleasantly opposed camps. It's heaven. We adore the sexy Howie and Janelle. They seem to be having the most fun. And we respect the excellent gamesmanship of James; he's probably the series' best player. But what's with his plucked eyebrows, and what was that scarf he had wafting from his waist on Thursday? We miss the eye candy of his pretty girlfriend, Sarah, and, along with the rest of America, we miss the handsome Kaysar.

That's what we like. What we don't like are Beau, Ivette, Maggie, and April; though we really should root for gay housemates Beau and Ivette, Beau is insipid and Ivette is a harpy. We also don't like intermittent host Julie Chen appearing as a stiff catalogue mannequin on each live episode, overly enunciating to the house guests via monitor as if she were Edward R Murrow talking to Ike and Mamie in the White House. We also don't like that after the voice-over at the beginning of each show reminds us of the story so far, with clips, Chen seems to think we weren't listening and repeats it almost verbatim, with clips. It's such a waste of five minutes. Adjust your camel toe, Chen, and let us into the house already.

Recently Dead

Character actor Mel Welles, best remembered as Gravis Mushnik, the florist in 1960's Little Shop of Horrors, died of heart failure in Norfolk, Virginia. He was 81. Though he may be remembered mostly for his role in Little Shop, he appeared in dozens of grade-Z movies far worse than that early Roger Corman shlocker. Do Lady Frankenstein, Attack of the Crab Monsters (above), The Undead, or Pirates of Tripoli ring a bell? Probably not. But when he appeared as Sir Bop in Rock All Night, he also wrote the accompanying Unabridged Hiptionary to help audiences decipher the slang, because he was nothing if not versatile. He also appeared on TV, directed bad movies in Europe, produced and directed concerts Down Under, recorded voice-overs, taught, and became a script supervisor. "He had a very eclectic career," said his widow Annie. (Welles' website)

The Softer Side of Hitler

Award-winning filmmaker Laurence Rees spent 15 years tracking down and interviewing the surviving members of the lost tribe of Nazis for a new series on British TV, Inside the Nazi State. But why would the former Nazis talk to him now? Says Rees:

"I think it must be something to do with your life history having a pattern and at the end of it you look back and remember the things that had a real impact on you. You become reflective about what was really important. And, of course, they wanted to explain themselves to their grandchildren, who were looking at them and saying: 'I love you but I can't understand why you became a Nazi.' "

Writes Fenton Bailey: Gabriel Rotello and I had an interesting encounter with a former Nazi when we were making our film about how Hitler might have been – probably was, actually – gay. Gabriel scored an interview with Roland Misch, the phone operator in the bunker in the final days. He lived in the suburbs of Hamburg in a neat little suburban house. (More after the jump)

Friends?

We wonder how Jennifer Aniston will seem to get along with Oprah Winfrey when their just-us-girls tell-all get-together at Oprah's pad airs. Of course, the red wine may have increased their chumminess a bit. We have no patience for tables or graphs, but there's a site that charts the compatibility of Jennifer Aniston to almost every known celebrity. Including Oprah:

Model Behavior

What's this we hear about Brittany from the most recent America's Next Top Model – the contestant who looks like Janice Dickinson – bedding three guys in six days while she was in town for Bravo's Battle of the Network Reality Stars? Oh wait, did we just print her name? And use a photo? In the picture she seems to be saying, "Get in. . . all of you."

Snap!

I spy with my little eye something beginning with T. Can you see why we're posting this picture of a Manhattan intersection? (It helps if you click to enlarge.)

The Beta Blocker Express

So, we meet again, comrades. With the added voices of Steven Corfe and Justin Hrobuchak, the situation room almost reaches saturation point this day. The opening topic of the strange phenomenon of the 9/11 season starting earlier each year (d)evolves into talk of nickel slots in Vegas, gambling in general, Ivana Trump's tower, Vegas pieds-a-terre, life savings down the drain, Greg the Bunny, Virginia Heffernan being a retard, the Bruce Vilanch pilot, IFC, Grizzly Man, Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room, Prison Break, Julie Chen's repeat camel toe, one-hit-wonder actors, Reese and Ryan, Brad Pitt, mid-life crises, knitted clogs, knitting, and mint green tea lemonade from Starbucks.

• Now WOW has an Enhanced Podcast for users of iTunes 4.9. It includes chapters, images, and links. Download it here.
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Rock Mag Insulting to Cintra

The boys upstairs are big fans of the Cintra Wilson. We've been privy only to the blurbs on the covers of her books, A Massive Swelling and Colors Insulting to Nature. She seems funny. What happened recently, she tells us in an email she sent to many people, is that she was assigned by Rolling Stone to join the White House Press Corps for a few weeks and "absorb the post-Rove meltdown." What happened after she turned in her "solid magnum opus" to her Stone editor was her article was killed, as we say in journalism ("killed" has just the opposite meaning in standup comedy, ironically). But all is ultimately not lost. Salon.com, whom she calls her patron saint, will run her piece, unedited and as "f-ing amazing" as she meant it to be, tomorrow, Saturday, August 27. She invites, implores all of us to read it:

Please, please log on and check it out, if you ever wanted to read someone tearing Scott McClellan a new one. Several new ones. And please bombard me with your comments, thoughts, objections, etc.

Cherish Is the Word

Randy Barbato says he's heard the rumor around Hollywood that a lot of the most adorable characteristics ("hello, hello, hello") of his favorite summer TV character, Valerie Cherish, are "inspired" by...Kim Cattrall!

Sitings

• Greg's Digital Retouching Portfolio. Roll your cursor over the images. Seeing is not believing anymore. (t/y Robert)
• Gay merit badges. Because the Boy Scouts don't have them. (t/y Eduardo)

Snap! Cap

No matter how much I clean, it still smells like ass in here. (Jason)

Taking a Shot

Randy and Fenton received this bright and festive gift box from Hunter Ryan, a theatrically inclined little tyke too young to assemble such an elaborate presentation himself (or to order one over the phone). The little rascal lives in Florida with his mom, whom we know is the very MOM who comments on the WOW Report. So we figure MOM put sonny up to it, because the attached note hints none too subtly that she'd like Ryan to be a part of a new Showbiz Moms & Dads series. (BTW, the box is filled with stuff from the Original Cupcake Shot Drink Company. Apparently, cupcake shots are the new Jell-O shots.)

Carr Found Dead in Car

Hollywood producer Terry Carr (not to be confused with Hollywood producer Alan Carr or Hollywood actress Teri Garr) suffocated his sleeping nine-year-old daughter, Arieka, when a heart attack caused him to roll on top of her in their Jeep, parked outside a convenience store in Clearlake Oaks, California. Even if she'd been awake, the 53-pound girl didn't stand a chance with Daddy's 212-pound dead weight pressing on her. Carr had abandoned his wife, Chikako, the day before when he drove off while she was using the restroom at a grocery store in Ashland. And a few days before that, he had discarded a box of personal papers and photos in a pasture outside Ashland. Sounds like a mental case. If you're scratching your head wondering what the 62-year-old Carr produced, so you should. In 1980, he produced the comedy Coast to Coast, with Dyan Cannon and Robert Blake; 1982, the musical Yes Giorgio, with Luciano Pavarotti; 1988, the drama The Boost, with James Woods and Sean Young. (CNN)

Plucked

Here we go again. We clicked on MattyMatt in the comments section and it linked to this, so we're not sure if this photo we found is of Matty or of a friend of Matty's. But it's disturbing, whoever.

Of Interest

Bridget Bardot and Pamela Anderson. Both blond sex symbols of their time. Both with rudimentary acting skills. And both, for some secretly sexy reason, animal activists. Anderson campaigns with the PETA police against the fur industry. Bardot, who has been championing animals for decades and runs an animal defense association in France, is currently trying to get the French government to stop fisherman from using live kittens and puppies as shark bait. Don't laugh. Last month, a puppy was found in the Indian Ocean with hooks in its snout and one of its legs, a typical victim of fishermen who tie baby dogs and cats to fishing lines and wait for the sharks to swallow the thrashing animals. "It is imperative that the government does something to end this practice," said Bardot.