On last's night's PULSE-POUNDING, TARRANTINO-ESQUE season opener of Modern Family (i.e. not so much) a FULL 21 out of the allotted 23 minutes was spent discussing the virtues of salted chocolate milk. I kid you not. And even though Manny and his mother REALLY seemed to enjoy it, I couldn't help but gag every time they took a sip. I'm lactose intolerant, you see. Well, not so much "intolerant" as just dismissive. "Take it away and bring me a martini, goddamnit!" Milk is for children. And if I wanted something salty and milky... well you see where I'm going. But I decided to take one for the blog and try it myself. The accounting office and I tried three different salt-to-milk ratios and they were ALL predictably DISGUSTING. I hope this doesn't become a "thing." And Modern Family? God, it was terrible last night. Maybe I was just angry with ABC for making me suffer through that Better With You abortion. Laugh tracks? In 2010? My head still hurts. Anyway, this whole season has gotten off to a pretty dismal start. And now I'm nauseous from the salted chocolate milk. THANKS ABC.