Posted by: James St. James contact

man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future

NOT AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE. Yesterday at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, an oddly dressed man calling himself Eloi Cole and saying he was from future, tried to sabotage the machine and "prevent it from destroying the world." When asked by the police what country he was from, he replied: "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening." Which sounds perfectly plausible to me. This isn't the first time travel-related incident involving the collider. If you recall, last year the Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nelson theorized that the Higgs boson was so abhorrent that it somehow created a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery. And before that, we were all pretty sure that its activation was going to cause a black hole that would eat up the earth. Or open up a hyper-dimensional porthole, letting loose an army of "unspecified somethings" upon the earth. So there's a history of quantum nuttiness to back up Eloi's claim making me inclined to believe him. And I TOTALLY think something weird is happening in the time/space continuum lately. Why, just this morning I woke up thinking erotic thoughts of Johnathan Taylor Thomas and singing "MmmBop." You can't tell ME there's not something weird with THAT. I think there might be a wormhole in my head! DAMN YOU, LARGE HADRON COLLIDER! (via CNet)



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