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Gossip Girl Report 3.10: Sex, Drugs, and Lady Gaga

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 02:24 PM

tags: Gossip Girl, Lydia Rendon, Recap, Stevie Guide

Uptown Girl, new Manhattanite, and fierce wowlebrity Lydia Rendon, recaps the events occurring on last night's Gossip Girl television program. Go, girl:

Let the aftermath of the threesome begin. Shiny, happy, dancing fool Dan starts off with no complaints. His memory of the threesome involved perfect makeup, lighting, and a wind machine blowing on Olivia and Vanessa as they made out and undressed him... typical male. It's only when he starts bragging about it with Nate that his fantasy world comes crashing down. Nate is the first of many in this episode to tell Dan he broke the main rule of a threesome: The third person should always be someone you don't know. Would a faux pas like this ever stop Dan though? Never. So being the Humphrey that he is, he tries to continue on as normal to prove nothing is wrong or has changed.

Once again, Nate warns him nothing good is going to come from this and soon it is Olivia that proves it. Her memory of the tryst is realizing that Dan is secretly in love with Vanessa, even if he's not ready to see it yet. When Blair needs help putting on a cabaret show, Olivia sees her chance to get Dan's attention over Vanessa. Obviously, once Vanessa realizes what's up she too is fighting for Dan's attention. Not having to be a genius to figure out what's going on, Blair calls out Dan for being stupid enough to have a threesome with Vanessa and blackmails the two girls to stay in the show. The show features all Lady Gaga songs and later a live performance of "Bad Romance" by the Lady herself courtesy of Blair; it sums up the final doomed ending we all knew was coming. You know it's a sad day when you discover your boyfriend is really in love with the Dreadlock Queen, so Olivia breaks up with Dan and leaves school to take a movie. I have to say I liked Olivia; Hilary Duff, your run was short but it was way better then Tyra's guest spot.

Now, Dan wasn't the only one blowing up Nate's phone for advice. Serena was trying to put her whoring ways in check and needed Nate as a cock block to Tripp. Naturally, Nate's expert advice leads to the two taking shots at a bar and reminiscing about the last time they were alone drinking. Like any of us really forgot Serena banging Nate on the bar at the Shepard wedding back in season one. So Nate, feeling all nostalgic and doing his part to distract slutty Serena, starts to express how he felt about her back then. Just as Serena is about to bang Nate again on the bar, Tripp walks in and explains he is now on the outs with his wife after finding out she was the one who set him up during the campaign with the swim rescue. Sorry Nate, no bar sex for you. Serena leaves with Tripp to comfort him and give him a should to cry on, which shouldn't be hard considering her vagina-flashing dress and the linebacker shoulder pads she had on. The episode leaves off with the two making out in Tripp's home office while Nate is left to pay the tab at the bar.

Meanwhile, Jenny is hanging out with the son of an ambassador staying at Chuck's hotel. Since she's suddenly over UES guys and looking for something more, it's no surprise that when Damien – that's his name – reveals himself to be a drug dealer and Chuck steps in to help her, Jenny goes back to her rebellious ways. I knew all those years of eating the Humphrey drugged-laced waffles would pay off. Little J all drugged up and addicted to pills – finally something good! Jenny has always had a knack for getting herself into trouble and this looks to be her best rebellion yet.